Self-Care While Socially Distant
By: Emily Bottegal
Just checking in on you, what’s on your mind? If you're like me, that is a question with a forty five minute answer. It would be easier to ask me what is not on my mind. I am a natural over-thinker and somewhat of a “control freak” (though I wish there was a nicer word for us kind of people). About a decade ago, my mom painted my childhood room from the beautiful yellow and purple I picked out as a preteen, to a calm off-white color, and I am still struggling to accept the change. It is safe to say I struggle with the flexible thinking skill as it relates to executive functioning. So this pandemic is making me feel all sorts of things.
For some, yoga, journaling, and meditation are great outlets for expressing feelings and stress relief. Others find reading, cooking, drawing, or even going for walks to enjoy nature a great way to calm their brains down. I am more of a kickboxing and yelling to let my stress out person. Unfortunately, being in quarantine doesn’t allow me to vent my emotions in my usual ways, so I am trying new ways to check-in with myself. Below are some great suggestions to help refocus your thoughts and relieve some of the uneasy feelings you may be experiencing.
Express Yourself: When I have endless thoughts on my mind, or even a to-do list that runs out the door, I use the Brain Balancer tool. It gives me a space to write everything down and get it out of my head. In my mind, everything seems urgent and like it needs to be fixed immediately, but when I look at it on paper, I start to realize some of my tasks or my thoughts are things that I just can’t control. I normally set a timer for 5 minutes and just write to clear my head. I’ll review my list and start categorizing them: what can I do today, what can I do tomorrow or this week, and what do I need to accept that I just don’t have control over. That’s always the hardest part, but is definitely the most therapeutic.
Creating Goals: I have always worked well with to-do lists. I tend to make them for myself, my family, and my students. Like I mentioned above, lists are a great way to remember what needs to get done, but also an incredibly helpful way to establish short term or small goals for myself. I’ll look at my list and think, “ok, today I can make a doctor’s appointment, wash the winter coats, and finally get around to writing those thank you notes”. By setting up small achievable goals for myself (think SMART), I add a little more structure to my day, and have a clear game plan for parts of my day. I also am building my confidence after each task when I get to cross it off my list.
Try Something New: Yes, many of us are balancing quarantine with working from home, homeschooling our children, regular household duties, and trying to stay sane. Who has time to try something new? When we are motivated, we can almost always find time. Need an idea: try using the time you would usually spend commuting to-or-from work to learn a new language; or try out that recipe you have been eyeing. Like animals? Take a virtual field trip to a zoo or aquarium. Don’t be too hard on yourself though, and give yourself a little grace, especially at the beginning. It takes time to get into the rhythm of adding something new to your routine.
Been There, Done That Bucket List: I’m not talking about creating a list of awesome things you want to do in the future when you can leave your house again, I’m talking about writing down a list of things that bring you joy and happiness that you have already done. For some, that list might be baking or puzzles or even cleaning, for others that might be exercising or painting or golf. Take some time to generate a list, and each day, pick something off your list to do. Try to do something different each day so it doesn’t become monotonous. This is a great way to stimulate your brain, and bring your everyday routine a little excitement in this not-so-exciting time.
5 Questions in 5 Minutes: I said it before, meditation and journaling is not really a destressor for me; I have trouble sitting still and finding my “inner peace”. But with all the things I cannot control going on around me, and my daily routine/structure having been changed, I started doing this quick check-in with myself every morning. This exercise takes less than 5 minutes, and it helps me refocus on the positive instead of the negative. The final question is about your happiness code word. This is a great way to calm-down and refocus when you feel yourself getting frustrated, anxious, or even angry during the day. I encourage people to write it down on a sticky note and hang it on their bathroom mirror or above their computer (somewhere you can visibly see it). By hanging a code word or symbol, we are allowing ourselves to refocus, activate your brain, and get control of your feelings.
What am I grateful for today?
What am I going to do that is fun or enjoyable today?
Who am I connecting with today? Is there someone I want to check-in on today?
What am I going to do to get my body moving today?
What is your happiness code word today?
478 Breathing Technique: Another great method to relax our mind and our bodies is deep breathing. Allow yourself a moment to close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for 7 seconds, and exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. Repeat this process up to 4 times. Deep breathing is an amazing tool to help clear your mind, reduce anxiety, and manage stress. If you need help with this there are great apps like Breath to help guide you.
Whatever tool you use to help you manage your feelings and emotions during these troubling and challenging times, allow yourself to be fully invested in the process. Some of these strategies take time and practice to see a noticeable change. Just know you are not alone in your feelings. There are many of us who are struggling with the “what-ifs”. There are many of us googling “is anyone else feeling anxious about COVID-19?”. There are many of us who are having trouble not being in control. There are many of us who are obsessively wiping down counters and doorknobs. There are many of us who are living with someone who is obsessively wiping down counters and doorknobs. Whichever category you fall into, know that you are not alone.
Lauren Eckert Coaching is available virtually to meet with adults and students to help build routines, structure, and practice using the tools mentioned above. Contact to learn more about scheduling a session.